Have you ever talked to God? I have. I’ve held my breath and prayed for life itself. I’ve crossed my fingers and toes, wished on stars, and promised to do anything if only...I’ve searched for signs – in the sky, in the trees, in the pebbles of the riverbed. I’ve questioned, cursed, begged and bargained. I’ve apologized and cried. I’ve accepted, then recanted.
Have you ever heard a heart break? I have. I’ve heard Death’s footsteps tapping behind me down a long sterile corridor. I’ve heard breath dawn for the last time through new lungs. I’ve heard a grown man cry out in pain and helplessness. I’ve heard the thud of knees hitting the floor as legs give out from sorrow.
Have you ever tasted tears? I have. I’ve feasted on tears of fear and loss, gotten drunk from tears of anger and jealousy, and sipped tears of resignation. I’ve dined on tears for sustenance morning, noon and night.
Have you ever seen an angel? I have. I’ve seen the face of any angel. I’ve seen beauty and innocence so pure it follows you on wings. I’ve seen a tiny soul with strength so great that she carried her parents when they were unable to stand. I’ve dreamt of halos and harps and clouds and light. In the center of it all, an angel I knew so well stood smiling.
Have you ever breathed in memories? I have. The aroma of rain on flowers and the fading scent of a baby’s blanket. The acridity of pain. The deep earthiness of loneliness. The cool, fresh breeze of new beginnings and hope restored. The tropical bloom of re-found peace. The clean bright sun of an angel’s presence.
I’ve sensed them all.
—Sherry Coursey
In memory of Cecilia Claire Coursey 6/29/98-6/30/98
