When I was planning Charles’ funeral, the funeral director wanted me to purchase a casket for my son’s services. I was already in a complete state of shock, and the idea of a casket put me in total hysterics and more tears.

I told the funeral director that I will not purchase a casket for my baby. I did not want my final memories of my precious baby boy of him being in a casket. Emotionally and financially, I could not comprehend the logic of having a casket for Charles. He would be cremated after the services to have his ashes rest in an urn at my home.

The chaplain, that I initially met at the hospital after Charles’ delivery, came to the funeral home with me to plan the services. Pastor Case knew how upset I was during this planning process. She told me that she would provide something special for Charles to rest in for the services and his cremation. Pastor Case told me not to worry about that part of the planning as she assured me that Charles would not be in a casket.

I remember the funeral director asking me, “…how do you expect us to not have a casket…”. My responded to her, ” I don’t care if you just wrap him up in a blanket and lay him on a chair, because he’ll be in my arms for most of the service.” The funeral director was a woman that was my age in her early twenties at the time. I think I put her in a state of shock with my persistence to have Charles’ services planned to my liking and approval.

Charles’ services was this funeral director’s first infant funeral. I hope in some small way, I made a difference for future infant funerals. I hope this funeral director will always remember Charles and help others by suggesting alternative solutions to avoiding a casket while offering a pleasant atmosphere for an otherwise very emotionally charged day.

When I arrived at the church chapel for Charles’ funeral, I saw my son wrapped up nice and cozy in a soft blue blanket in this beautiful antique wooden doll’s cradle. The cradle along with the warm and tender atmosphere was suited perfectly for my sweet little prince!

It was a beautiful and bittersweet day as this was the first day, that I was truly able to hold my son in peace. I will be forever grateful to Pastor Case. She stood beside me through the entire funeral planning process. She even performed Charles’ funeral service and baptismal. Pastor Case has continued to be there for me through good and bad times since losing Charles.

Funeral Directors and Clergy have a difficult task in offering peace of mind and comfort to families that have lost a child of any age. The following are suggestions from bereaved families to assist and guide those of service to families that have lost a child.